Schadenfreude

Apropos of Nothing

September 20, 2006
7 Comments

Yep, I’ve registered my own domain which is being hostd by the very excellent Dreamhost, so why don’t you all direct your browsers to my brand new blog, now entitled Apropos of Nothing.

It’s not that I disliked Schadenfreude, but I wanted something new. Disagree? Tell me on Apropos of Nothing!

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Blasts from the Past

May 18, 2006
2 Comments

Here’s a bunch of IRC quotes from bash.org to amuse you. Sorry I haven’t blogged in a while, but I went quite tired of it and want to spend time elsewhere. This will cheer you up, anyway…

#99060 +(18677)- [X]
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say…
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON”T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

#5300 +(14641)- [X]
YOU ALL SUCK DICK
er.
hi.
A common typo.
the keys are like right next to each other.

#287414 +(13618)- [X]
haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
i looked around for pete and he must’ve chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
What’d he say when he woke up this morning?
uhh.. he hasn’t come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
holy fuck.
i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
if he gets home, call me, i don’t want to be worrying about this
will do. you better hope he’s not still buried, you’ll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken’s going to be worrying about this shit all day
haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
fucking ken
ken… that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
pete, ken didn’t come back last night, i thought he was with you.
oh fuck.
if ken shows up, make sure he doesn’t know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don’t want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
i can’t beleive how perfect their timing was

#207373 +(11224)- [X]
oh man
I was opening a coke, right
–> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
and it exploded
ALMOST all over my keyboard
but I got it away just in time
: what should I give sister for unzipping?
Um. Ten bucks?
no I mean like, WinZip?

#21516 +(8946)- [X]
I want to fuck Michelle’s brains out with my huge fucking cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can come and join us too.
Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on bash.org?
I’ll fucking KILL YOU! !
Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what you just said she’d be pretty angry right?
Dude you have no fucking clue, don’t seriously… you’d be ruining my life.
Don’t worry, I won’t post it.
[Privmsg] Hey dude, I’m gonna paste something – will you post it on bash.org?
[Privmsg] the turno thing? haha you fucking bastard!!
[Privmsg] hehe his mom’s gonna fucking kill him, drag him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise him.
[Privmsg] yeah and then he’s gonna come fucking kill us, still I reckon it’s worth it;)
[Privmsg] You’re not gonna post it are you ? Please don’t .. I’m begging you.
[Privmsg] I’m not gonna post it:) and even if I did she’d never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu .
[Privmsg] *phew* spose you have a point

#9322 +(8368)- [X]
Ouroboros: lets play Pong
Ok.
| .
. |
| .
. |
| .
| .
Whoops

#9501 +(8245)- [X]
It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite….in the other…you go by the chat alias “Randerson”…spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest…
One of these…has a future.
LMAO OMFG where’s the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
How can you use the phone when you cannot…speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m

#171987 +(7581)- [X]
Im going to be the next hitler
Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
why the clown
See? no one cares about the jews
lmao

#142934 +(7360)- [X]
docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: …!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you’ll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I’m from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)


Shel Israel, You Bloody Wag

April 4, 2006
13 Comments

This is taken from the comments on a Naked Conversations blog post about Foldera, in which Shel Israel quite blatantly presents his stupidity to the world. He also quite blatantly presents his inability to spell.

“Yo sound lke an unhappy comeptitor to me. Nothing more.”

Ahaha… classy, Shel! Behold the uneducated, broke and quite happy 19-year-old Norwegian comeptitor! *snicker*

“the company is getting about 35,000 sign ups a day”

Very incorrect. The actual sign-up number is about a tenth of that.

Look looky:

https://haarball.wordpress.com/2006/03/14/a-couple-of-extra-zeros-would-look-good/

His reply:

So Haarball, on what do you base you potentially slanderous allegation. Have they shared their lists with you? I’ve seen them. I wrote what I did and i stand by my story.

Yo sound lke an unhappy comeptitor to me. Nothing more.

Well, my dear, I base it on the most reliable source there is. Booyah? Love the preconceptions, though; I’d quite fancy being in Silicon Valley as a competitor to Foldera. This was my response at the time:

I’m sorry, Shel? Potentially slanderous allegation?

Jesus Christ. I’m not an “unhappy competitor”, you bloody tart. I’m 19 year-old blogger interested in technology.

Richard Lusk has himself admitted that there aren’t over half a million sign-ups; those are the total number of employees across all the companies that signed up.

Here’s the link: http://www.shared-spaces.com/blog/2006/03/quick_links_mar_3.html

Or, what, you think that’s somebody else pretending to be Richard?

Get your facts straight or sod off. Both, preferrably.

Feisty, Haar, FEISTY!

He went silent after that.


Unceremonious Tendencies

March 21, 2006
2 Comments

I just came across this on Congoo‘s website:

*Congoo members can view FREE articles every month from each partn site!
The number of free articles per month varies by publisher.

Partnr? The removal of vowels has now been extended into not only regular text, but small print?

This smells rather vigorously of a Web 2.0 company not taking itself too seriously.

Pinch me, will you?


Silicon Valley Facials

March 17, 2006
6 Comments

Following Valleywag’s facial comparison of Steve Ballmer and Harrison Ford, I find it inevitable to extend the feature to our most beloved/loathed Web 2.0 personalities.


Iron My Shirt, Bitch

March 17, 2006
3 Comments

One of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while.

Male Chauvinist Prank

Brave. I think I’ll try something like this myself; standing in a crowded SXSW panel with a sign saying “BRING BACK TABLES, DOUCHEBAGS”.

Mr Shea would put a bullet in my head.


What Is The World Coming To

February 19, 2006
1 Comment

When an appallingly unattractive metal-head wins Top Model Norway, and subsequently makes it onto the frontpage of FHM? Unsubscribed.

When free speech in its simplest, most well-behaved form leads to a prosecution in the United States?

When telling a cunt talking in her cell in the cinema to SHUT THE HELL UP leads to being charged with assault?

When a blind person sues Target for violating civil rights because of the site being inaccessible to blind people?

Can you tell me?


An Honest Web 3.0 Prediction

February 14, 2006
1 Comment

Phil Sim over at Squash did an entry on the plummeting stock of Google. No offense to Phil, who regularly provides refreshing analysis on the ongoing Web 2.0 development debacle, but I couldn’t give a monkey’s tart about stock fluctuations. That aside, he made an interesting comment:

For the Barron’s piece, Google refuses to provide any executive comments. Barron’s fills in the space with analysts going all bearish over Goog’s prospects. This morning, Goog’s stock plummets.

In retrospect…

Imagine a b-list blogger doing a similar piece; the blogger’s effectively shunned, gets doubly bearish on ’em, GOOG is out of the market for good.

It’s hapnin I tells ya. It’s all MULTI-proportional. The lower on the ladder the article author is, the more terse he’ll be, the more the GOOG stock plummets. Geddit?

Imagine if I did this ― a z-list blogger. Within – lessee – next morning’s early morning eggs and bacon, Google would have been a forgotten chapter in intarweb history.

As a consequence, the Internets moves into Web 3.0. It involves interaction with your PC, not just via it as a means to interact with other human beings.

I’ve always been thinking about building one myself.

Big, firm, natural tits, big round arse, generally a little on the plus side ifyouknowhatimean, sexy laughter – that’ll do.

Cybersex the way it was always intended.

Shagging a tag shag cloud will of course be the new two-lesbos-in-a-threesome.

Shame Google isn’t around; it would be the best lay in town. The Jessica Alba of three point OHHH. I’d first take it in the G and do ‘er in the double-O to climax.

An alternative prediction, of course.


Karl Pilkington ― Actor or Chimp?

February 7, 2006
54 Comments

Does he fit Ricky Gervais’ description of being a shaved chimp, or is he a comical eminence as imagined and created by Steve and Ricky ― scripted, rehearsed and acted out?

It’s not that it bothers me. I’ll still enjoy the show as much as I have regardless of him being a preposterously gifted actor or a proper shaved chimp. He’s either playing it up, in which case he’s one of the funniest men alive, or he’s not, in which case he’s definitely one of the funniest men alive. Nonetheless, the question of whether he’s real or an act is an interesting one, and I’d love to hear other people’s opinion of it.

Quite surprisingly, I must say, there hasn’t be an awful lot of debate on this. It seems people are certain in their belief ― at least long-time followers of the Xfm show ― that he’s an actual living chimpanzee in the guise of a human being. A born-and-bread imbecile, intent on displaying his utter stupidity to the world in the name of comedy.

I read an article on The Times Online that I can’t seem to re-trace, which suggested that it all in fact was scripted and rehearsed. The reason for this scepsis was divided: Karl was never thrown off by Ricky’s inane laughing fits; he was never at a loss for words; and the conversations felt a little contructed and a bit too convenient, so to speak. I partly agree, especially on the part about Karl never choking up, not being able to spout some insanely (literally) hilarious drivel at any given time.

On the other hand, does that really entail there being acting involved? I know several people that are like him ― never at a loss for words and with a bizarre imagination exceeding that of most people.

I can’t help but incline towards the thought that it’s all real and that Karl in fact is no less than a shaved chimp with dialect. It’s the whole nature, the feel of the show. If there is any trace of acting going on, they’re hidding it brilliantly.

Of course they’re setting it up a little, of course they’re playing on strings they know in (on?) which Karl will excel. But that’s just in order for the podcast to be funny, and not just 3 people chatting on about some uninteresting topic without really presenting it in a funny way. There has to be a certain degree of pre-show directing and preparation to get the most out of the show, but that still doesn’t entail the use of acting.

That’s pretty much the gist of of this topic, in my opinion. I’d love to hear everyone else’s opinion ― comment at your own discretion.


Posted in Comedy, Debate