Schadenfreude

Apropos of Nothing

September 20, 2006
7 Comments

Yep, I’ve registered my own domain which is being hostd by the very excellent Dreamhost, so why don’t you all direct your browsers to my brand new blog, now entitled Apropos of Nothing.

It’s not that I disliked Schadenfreude, but I wanted something new. Disagree? Tell me on Apropos of Nothing!


Fuck off, Brazil

June 16, 2006
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Jesus, Brazil were shit. Ronaldo was a fucking disgrace, the rest mediocre. Cafu was half-decent.

It kills me that Croatia didn’t score with the massive chances they had. The were really on form tonight, man of the match Prso in particular, and could have made two easy goals had they managed what any footballer would do easily in the same situation, regardless of his skills: kick the fucking ball slightly to the side of the goalie.

I was rooting for Croatia the whole time. It pisses me off something royally when the top flight teams play as shitty as they have so far. A billion bloody people are watching, and Ronaldo doesn’t bother taking even one decent run? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a player regarded as one of the world’s best play as shitty as he did tonight, and it fucking OFFENDS ME. France, England and Portugal can sod off for the exact same reasons; playing overly cynical, deliberately restraining their offensive play and generally being lazy, both individually and as part of their respective teams’ deliberate defensive approach.

Yeah, yeah, the weather. I bet every single player has been on top of his game in the exact same heat some time in his career.

In the end, Croatia can blame themselves for not winning this, but I feel sorry that they didn’t get at least a point out of this, I truly do.

Doesn’t help my mood that the commentators, supopsedly the most respected and skilled we have around here, are about as biased towards Brazil as Brazil’s own fans.

Aw, Jesus. The only consolation is that most teams will most certainly improve further into the tournament. Apart from France, of course, who will once again exit the tournament without having scored.


Blasts from the Past

May 18, 2006
2 Comments

Here’s a bunch of IRC quotes from bash.org to amuse you. Sorry I haven’t blogged in a while, but I went quite tired of it and want to spend time elsewhere. This will cheer you up, anyway…

#99060 +(18677)- [X]
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say…
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON”T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

#5300 +(14641)- [X]
YOU ALL SUCK DICK
er.
hi.
A common typo.
the keys are like right next to each other.

#287414 +(13618)- [X]
haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
i looked around for pete and he must’ve chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
What’d he say when he woke up this morning?
uhh.. he hasn’t come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
holy fuck.
i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
if he gets home, call me, i don’t want to be worrying about this
will do. you better hope he’s not still buried, you’ll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken’s going to be worrying about this shit all day
haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
fucking ken
ken… that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
pete, ken didn’t come back last night, i thought he was with you.
oh fuck.
if ken shows up, make sure he doesn’t know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don’t want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
i can’t beleive how perfect their timing was

#207373 +(11224)- [X]
oh man
I was opening a coke, right
–> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
and it exploded
ALMOST all over my keyboard
but I got it away just in time
: what should I give sister for unzipping?
Um. Ten bucks?
no I mean like, WinZip?

#21516 +(8946)- [X]
I want to fuck Michelle’s brains out with my huge fucking cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can come and join us too.
Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on bash.org?
I’ll fucking KILL YOU! !
Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what you just said she’d be pretty angry right?
Dude you have no fucking clue, don’t seriously… you’d be ruining my life.
Don’t worry, I won’t post it.
[Privmsg] Hey dude, I’m gonna paste something – will you post it on bash.org?
[Privmsg] the turno thing? haha you fucking bastard!!
[Privmsg] hehe his mom’s gonna fucking kill him, drag him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise him.
[Privmsg] yeah and then he’s gonna come fucking kill us, still I reckon it’s worth it;)
[Privmsg] You’re not gonna post it are you ? Please don’t .. I’m begging you.
[Privmsg] I’m not gonna post it:) and even if I did she’d never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu .
[Privmsg] *phew* spose you have a point

#9322 +(8368)- [X]
Ouroboros: lets play Pong
Ok.
| .
. |
| .
. |
| .
| .
Whoops

#9501 +(8245)- [X]
It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite….in the other…you go by the chat alias “Randerson”…spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest…
One of these…has a future.
LMAO OMFG where’s the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
How can you use the phone when you cannot…speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m

#171987 +(7581)- [X]
Im going to be the next hitler
Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
why the clown
See? no one cares about the jews
lmao

#142934 +(7360)- [X]
docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: …!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you’ll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I’m from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)


Shel Israel, You Bloody Wag

April 4, 2006
13 Comments

This is taken from the comments on a Naked Conversations blog post about Foldera, in which Shel Israel quite blatantly presents his stupidity to the world. He also quite blatantly presents his inability to spell.

“Yo sound lke an unhappy comeptitor to me. Nothing more.”

Ahaha… classy, Shel! Behold the uneducated, broke and quite happy 19-year-old Norwegian comeptitor! *snicker*

“the company is getting about 35,000 sign ups a day”

Very incorrect. The actual sign-up number is about a tenth of that.

Look looky:

https://haarball.wordpress.com/2006/03/14/a-couple-of-extra-zeros-would-look-good/

His reply:

So Haarball, on what do you base you potentially slanderous allegation. Have they shared their lists with you? I’ve seen them. I wrote what I did and i stand by my story.

Yo sound lke an unhappy comeptitor to me. Nothing more.

Well, my dear, I base it on the most reliable source there is. Booyah? Love the preconceptions, though; I’d quite fancy being in Silicon Valley as a competitor to Foldera. This was my response at the time:

I’m sorry, Shel? Potentially slanderous allegation?

Jesus Christ. I’m not an “unhappy competitor”, you bloody tart. I’m 19 year-old blogger interested in technology.

Richard Lusk has himself admitted that there aren’t over half a million sign-ups; those are the total number of employees across all the companies that signed up.

Here’s the link: http://www.shared-spaces.com/blog/2006/03/quick_links_mar_3.html

Or, what, you think that’s somebody else pretending to be Richard?

Get your facts straight or sod off. Both, preferrably.

Feisty, Haar, FEISTY!

He went silent after that.


Penetrating My Private Parts (you guessed it: punfest)

March 30, 2006
1 Comment

I get a lot of spam, and I’m sure you do too. Right now I’ve got 954 of them sitting in my spam folder. It doesn’t usually bother me as it’s mostly picked up by the spam filter, but in the last few days and weeks I’ve been getting all sorts of spam in my inbox. They’re as blatantly spamerific as any other e-mail that does get picked up by the filter, so why these e-mails have has recently managed to penetrate the system beats me (puns intended, indeed).

And now, some SEXUAL-EXPLICITNESS for your perusal.

hi,
video with little girls which sit on man’s shocking size kokz
it’s unreal sizes ;-)

I even got a little story! Unfortunately, though, it ends up in a flurry of indistinguishable phrases, which I can only assume to be the writer having his wiener smacked to the keyboard in an integral facet of him and his girlfriend’s weekly S&M bout. That, or the story depicted in this little novel is in fact a guy live-blogging himself. Oh, these spammers. They’re all nuts!

Behold the ‘orrible Faggot!

drowned in the ensuing uproar. The police ran to the Sempleyarovs’ box, curious spectators climbed on to the ledge to watch, there were explosions of infernal laughter and wild cries, drowned by the golden crash of cymbals from the orchestra. Suddenly the stage was empty. The horrible Faggot and the sinister cat Behemoth melted into the air and disappeared, just as the magician had vanished earlier in his shabby armchair. Ivan swung his legs off the bed and stared. A man was standing on the balcony, peering cautiously into the room. He was aged about thirty-eight, clean-shaven and dark, with a sharp nose, restless eyes and a lock of hair that tumbled over his forehead. The mysterious visitor listened awhile then, satisfied that Ivan was alone, entered the room. As he came in Ivan noticed that the man was wearing hospital clothes–pyjamas, slippers and a reddish-brown dressing gown thrown over his shoulders. The visitor winked at Ivan, put a bunch of keys into his pocket and asked in a whisper : ‘ May I sit down? ‘ Receiving an affirmative reply he settled in the armchair. mhh ghrhlh khrhllkho f s h ohh iginitm s imipiq ktfs f qf hgnfkfqfogr fjj ii igig ngmgtgjk mg o gjgg j qgnfngfg g pt uiuq thtprk tg tptotftlp ktut hti lsith thtirioiifgg ih hf jf ofjfufqj lfpfk f l iulrmq lqms l fl rl ljum m m rmi mpm niqmkm nmk utps pfpnpjqu p mqrt kt mohqjq oqjqu qqulqp q kql sdjksdfsdfsdlgkj sdflkjsdf lksdjfsdfsdf

This excerpt of an e-mail I got put my life in perspective.

千夏様よりご契約頂き仲介させて頂いております。
申し遅れましたが、私、担当の小林と申します。

お2人様より契約金と致しまして10万円頂きました。
私は仲介ですので、千夏様とお会いして頂ければ貴方様へ7万円のご協力料金としてお支払い致します。

Below, just one out of many e-mails containing most prolific poetry.

hark drum bird cross year,
more cork, peace brass exact.

folly try mist
bye
Gerry Mendicino

So why have these, well, unsolicited e-mails managed to make their way into my inbox? They fulfil every criteria and have all the characteristics of a spam e-mail, and yet in the past few weeks, all of a sudden, I’m getting them in my inbox.

‘orrible, Goog.


Incompetent Business Receives Unmerited Attention

March 24, 2006
2 Comments

Lifehacker reports today that “Ajax word processor ajaxWrite tries to bring the look and feel of Microsoft Word to your browser.”

Most of the advanced features are apparently left out, it doesn’t have collaborative features of Writely, currently lacks a spellchecker and doesn’t allow us to save our documents online.

Wh-what? I can’t save my documents online? Are you telling me that instead of firing up a lightweight Windows word processor like Notepad, Wordpad or Word, I should load up my browser, go to the ajaxWrite site, write my document, save it to the comp, and then use whichever method I prefer to upload it to the internet/e-mail it?

ajaxWrite have decided to embrace us with the amiability of putting in more obstacles in the document writing process, and at the same time – quite bleedin’ impudently, if you ask me – offer us only the most basic of features?

Am I missing something? Tell me if I am.

If I amn’t: ajaxWrite, sod off. Take your bloody VC money, your talented developers and marvellous board room of leaders and please, pretty please – go broke. You’re probably not making much money on this, you’re not offering something new; in fact, you’re offering a service poorer than the ones we already have, and there are no additional or complimentary features that seperate your product apart from even fucking Word 2000.

If you have plans of “expanding” your business into new “areas” and adding “collaborative” features to the application in “near future”, you’ve lost. Look up on recent Google aqcuisitions and you’ll know why your business was antecedently cadaverous. By that I insinuate that you didn’t have a bloody single thing to fare with from the get-go.

Again, a little because I like the schwung of it and a little more because you deserve to be repeatedly smashed in the head with it: SOD OFF.


Shocker! Blatant PR Stunt Pose as Elaborate Google Lawsuit

March 20, 2006
2 Comments

Parental advice site Kinderstart.com filed a lawsuit against Google earlier this week (coincidentally the same day of the US government vs. Google trial) on the background of their Google Pagerank having dropped unexpectedly and without warning. The result: a 70% drop in traffic and a subsequent loss of 80% in advertisement income.

Kinderstart

Kinderstart’s argument is that their pagerank was dropped not because of an automatic algorithm, but a subjective opinion within Google that their company shouldn’t be considered “serious”.

Read the full story on Reuters.

One of the motives behind the lawsuit could be that the only way of proving Kinderstart wrong would be for Google to show the court how their algorithm works, effectively revealing their trade secrets to the public, and, more importantly, their competitors. Basically, Kinderstart’s saying: “give in to our demands or risk having to expose your secrets to the world”.

Another motive―and an even more obvious one―is of course the increased attention and traffic this kind of exposure will bring to their site. The search engine allegedly counted 10 million page views per month-no statement was made, however, on whether that number includes the page views after the suit was filed. Kinderstart’s Alexa stats also conflict with this figure.

Google

It’s quite obvious. Kinderstart thinks this is a win-win situation, as the income and exposure this case will give them way exceeds the amount of money they’ll have to shell out in case of a loss.

Bloody blatant, innit? It’s an astonoshingly silly lawsuit even when they try to justify it to the best of their lawyers’ ability, and they’ll have a lot of negative press especially from the blogoshere. Then again, bloggers are way out of Kinderstart’s demographic, so they’ll more than likely end up better off after this case than they were before.


What Is The World Coming To

February 19, 2006
1 Comment

When an appallingly unattractive metal-head wins Top Model Norway, and subsequently makes it onto the frontpage of FHM? Unsubscribed.

When free speech in its simplest, most well-behaved form leads to a prosecution in the United States?

When telling a cunt talking in her cell in the cinema to SHUT THE HELL UP leads to being charged with assault?

When a blind person sues Target for violating civil rights because of the site being inaccessible to blind people?

Can you tell me?


Hand Me The Term-Coiner Cock

February 11, 2006
54 Comments

Consumation. Oh yeah. Convergence. Yeah. Social networking. Of course. Folkson… oh, fuck me.

You’d think this was a generic Web 2.0 defamation, but it’s not. After weeks of having read every blog that’s ever published a Web 2.0-related word, be it Folksonomy, 2.0Culture (blah. There’s a reason I don’t spell it Web2.0, I NEED AIR), tags, clouds, rounded corners or my mum’s homemade dinnr, I’ve come to a sort of middle-of-the-road conclusion. Now, I don’t have anything inherently against Web 2.0, and I can’t possibly elevate myself to level of hatred such held by i.e. Go Flock Yourself. While I’ve dismissed and continue to dismiss innumerable amounts of petty Web 2.0 attempts, the basic design structure and community elements are brilliant when incorporated wisely and upheld by feasible topics. And they’ve been around for ages – just not in the concentrated, elevated forms we see nowadays. The tragedy of all this is the fact that some arsehat tech schmuck had the guts to coin a term based on it, which sent every man and his rotweilr back to the drawing board to make their webspace more Web 2.0-affluent.

The result: uprorious “community” projects that serve no other purpose than make people’s day shorter (that’s what wanking’s for) and make sure the www becomes a homogenous, uninspiring vacuum of pointlessness categorized by grammatically errored portmanteau words.

Well, that’s what it looks like now. Hopefully it’ll balance out; the shitty Web 2.0 companies will dematerialize and the worthwhile ones will stay, in turn ensuring a more diversified web that doesn’t have 95% of its content striving for one formulaic recipee.

And no more buzzwords. Please. There’s PLENTY.


MySpace Users Are All Killers!

February 6, 2006
1 Comment

One of them are, anyway. An 18-year-old kid from Arkansas shot and killed two homosexual men, after having asked if the bar they were in was a gay bar. In the following police chase, he also ended up shooting and killing what was allegedly his acquaintance, a 33-year-old woman.

Nothing we haven’t heard before, really, but what’s interesting creepy is his MySpace profile. Holy Mother Of Bollocks, that’s sinister.

“im interested in death, destruction, chaos, filth and greed” lmao…its true!!


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